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If you’re interested in getting over pessimism and becoming an optimist to help yourself gain more confidence, check out these videos:
“How to Become Optimistic”:
“How to Stop Being A Pessimist – Part 1”:
“How to Stop Being A Pessimist – Part 2”:
If you think your envy of others is hindering your progress with gaining self-esteem, maybe this video can help you:
“How to Overcome Envy”:
Negative Experiences that commonly give people low self-esteem:
• sexual, emotional or physical abuse
• having your physical and emotional needs neglected during childhood
• failing to meet the expectations of your parents
• feeling like the ‘odd one out’ at school
• coming from a community which often experiences prejudice, such as being an asylum seeker, or being poor but living amongst wealthy people
• peer pressure to conform to social norms you don’t agree with
• bullying or excessive pressures at work
• physical ill-health & its impact on your quality of life and activities you can do
• the loss of a loved one
• social isolation and loneliness.
When something happens that subconsciously reminds you of these significant experiences, you expect the worst, so your low expectations are likely to be at the back of your mind all the time. You will probably feel anxious and might shake, blush and panic, or you may try to avoid the situation all together, or perhaps behave in a way that you think will keep you ‘safe’. This reaction is likely to confirm the negative core beliefs you have about yourself and leave you feeling you have even less chance of coping with a similar situation in the future. This cycle might seem unbreakable, but it is crucial to remember that these are beliefs, not facts. It is important to realize that these are only opinions. They can be biased or inaccurate, and there are steps you can take to change them.
* Questions you can ask yourself to identify the reasons you have low self-esteem:
• What do you feel are your weaknesses or failings?
• What negative things do you think other people think about you?
• If you could sum yourself up, what word would you use? — ‘I am…’
• When did you start feeling like this?
• Can you identify an experience or event that might have caused this feeling?
• Do certain negative thoughts recur on a regular basis? Write down details of situations, how you felt and what you think the underlying belief was. For example:
Situation: I saw a job ad that I liked in the paper
Reaction: I got angry and tore it up
Underlying belief: I’m not smart enough for that sort of work, or someone would have offered me a job like that already.
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